Helloooo everyone, this weeks blog post is going to get personal really quick and pretty fast but this blog post is all about self love and my current journey to it and where I stand on the path of self love and how I got here, the body positive community LITERALLY saved my sanity and saved me from darkest thoughts eating me alive.
So lets rewind back to three year ago in 2013/2014 I had just left school feeling confused and like I had lost myself in the sea of others I felt like I lost who I was all for the sake of ‘ fitting in ‘ I was just about to go into art college with no friends and feeling very anxious ( my mental health was at a all time low at this point ) and insecure. Now at this point in my life I was 16 a confused and VERY hormonal teenager who was new to social media and was quite frankly brain washed by what I saw, diets, toned ‘flaw’ free bodies and that is when I kinda lost it, lost control of my thought pattern over my body and all I wanted was to be thin. I remember briefly going summer shopping with some school friends after we left as a mini celebration and as we were in the changing rooms I was MORTIFIED to find out I had jumped up from a size 8 in jeans to a 10, I remember going to my friends changing room next door and I remember her saying ‘ I wish this part was more toned, I dislike my thighs ‘ and then I looked at myself and saw I was not only bigger than her but my body had gained stretch marks and I remember going home feeling like I had a black rain cloud over my head and all these toxic words began to enter my brain and that’s when summer official became the worse season on earth for me.
I remember anything above a size 8 seemed massive to me not only was that toxic but it was tiring mentally and physically I touched on this briefly before in Instagram posts and on here but I used to hate summer ( I still do now but it is mostly because of the heat ) but I hated it because all I saw was adverts show casing bikini bodies and how its time to loose that winter body and tone up, standing in front of my mirror I would pick apart every last thing I hated about myself, I would get changed at least five or six times each time crying and wishing I was thinner..I would have nervous break downs because my clothes started to get tighter but little did I know my body was changing and growing I was becoming an adult in terms of my body and I hated it. Time hop reminds me daily of how far I have come by showing me tweets and retweets I used to write all wishing I was something I wasn’t and all of them was more toxic then the last.
SO, lets fast forward to the present day well the past year when I have felt the most content in my body than ever before and it is all down to the body positive community online, I wrote a blog post called body positive babes that inspire me and that blog post is only a slight handful of beautiful and empowering women who helped me to find my inner confidence again. When I first came across the body positive community I was at rock bottom with myself I was browsing through social media when I saw women of all age, size and colour posting the hash tag #bodypositive I felt inspired all that I was told through TV and social media before was unwritten from my brain and what replaced the toxic thoughts was amazing, inspiring, empowering words from all different types of people showing how much they love their self and no one can them otherwise, they shared their body positive story with others in the hope of helping someone and this is exactly why I am sharing mine.
I started off by wearing clothes I wanted instead of clothes for my body type…why is that even a thing anyway? WEAR WHAT YOU FEEL GOOD IN PEOPLE AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE YOU LOOK AMAZING!!! and then I went on to love my stretch marks something I hated for a long time and I started to show my legs more, I now no longer dread shopping or going in changing rooms which I must admit used to make me cry, and clothing sizes?! they’re different in every single shop you go into..so don’t be dishearten by them you are worth more then a number in a pair of jeans and I can go from a size 10 to 16 in jeans as an example so don’t shop or be put off by sizing buy what you feel great in and ignore the sizes people! a number does not define your self worth as a person.
What I love about the body positive community online is that they will accept anyone and they don’t shame you on your gender, size, or background and it is so refreshing to go onto my instagram and see people slamming diet plans, skinny teas and societies ‘perfect’ body type…I do have bad days I do admit but I know I am only human and its okay to have emotions and have down days because tomorrow is another day and I know that I could feel confident and completely fine again..I used to think that a feeling of repulsiveness I had against myself would never leave so to feel so content after years of self hate-rid is so refreshing. I urge you to surround yourself with enlightening and positive people online and in real life, surround yourself with people who pick you up and believe in you but not only that get back in touch with yourself and build that relationship back up with yourself you’ve spent years hating yourself and all your body wants is to be loved, I am going to write a post all about how you can start your own body positive journey so stay tuned for that.
So that’s it that is how I began my journey to self love, it was all because a little hashtag online that lead me to the most inspiring people who turned my life around in terms of self love, their is really dark parts of the internet but there is also good if you look for it and like I said surround yourself with it..that’s the best thing about being online you get choose who you follow and what you see, and if someone is feeding you negative things just by posting and you feel yourself slipping back to your old thoughts don’t be afraid to un-following them you owe no one an explanation to why you did, put yourself first.
As always thank you reading, please take a second to check out my YouTube channel and until next time.